Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s “Cold Case Posse” Investigates Seinfeld Finale Trial in True Detective Season Two

Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s “Cold Case Posse” Investigates Seinfeld Finale Trial in True Detective Season Two

 

The much beloved “show about nothing” is being brought back to the forefront next year via the second season of HBO’s, critically acclaimed television program, “True Detective” starring Maricopa County, Arizona Sherriff, Joe Arpaio and his “Cold Case Posse” (Jon Voight, Robert Davi & Kevin Sorbo)

 

 

“It may have been a ‘show about nothing’, but look at the evidence. LOOK AT THE EVIDENCE! They basically got away with murder for nine seasons, and got a paltry slap on the wrist for their crimes,” says Arpaio. “Honestly, the ‘trial’ they had during the final episode of the series was a travesty of justice. We’re going back to the beginning and show people that those uppity city folk deserve the noose more than golden globes.”

 

Producers say the second season of “True Detective” will be a mixture of real footage and dramatic reenactments of pivotal scenes from “Seinfeld” with Arpaio & Posse offering commentary.

 

“True Detective Season Two” airs in the fall of 2014 on HBO.

It’s the spiritual successor to ‘Jaws’.

It’s the spiritual successor to ‘Jaws’.

First Image Released from Kelsey Grammer “Bork” Biopic

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Recently-deceased conservative legal scholar Robert Bork will live on in a 6 hour miniseries produced and starring Kelsey Grammer for Grammer’s own “RightNetwork Films” studio.

"He was simply the best, better than all the rest. It was my honor to play him," says Grammer.

Beleaguered R&B Star’s First Podcast Recorded Without Incident

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Chris Brown recorded the first episode of his new podcast, “The Chris Brown Podcast” yesterday in his new home podcast studio, dubbed, “The Pod-Zone”.

“Everything went smoothly, aside from some audio quality issues that Chris hopes to fix before the next episode,” says Dan Hopler, Brown’s podcasting representative.

Reportedly, Brown’s podcast went on for about an hour and covered topics such as: “Old school hip-hop, cereal, and the Star Wars prequels.” Brown also hopes to cover topics such as: “microbrews, He-Man cartoons, and Seinfeld” in subsequent episodes.

“Chris is jumping into this new venture whole-heartedly. He loves podcasting.”

Brown loves podcasting so much that he is reportedly having his recent “sugar skull” tattoo re-done, in order to make it look like a “Snowball Podcast Mic by Blue”

When asked about the chance that any of Brown’s celebrity friends, such as Rihanna, might stop by for an episode of “The Chris Brown Podcast”, Hopler demurred.

“Chris really wants to do the first few episodes solo, to work out the bugs, before he has any guests on. He just has the one microphone right now. He really would like to be able to patch in Skype calls, but he needs to buy some cables first.”

The “Chris Brown Podcast” will be available on ITunes and Stitcher this Thursday.

Adult Video Leader “Plays Possum” with New Line of Christmas Movies

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The adult film industry was sent reeling last month with the passage of “Measure B” in Los Angeles County.  “Measure B” requires male performers in adult films to wear condoms during the production of pornographic films.

“You know how much rubbers cost now? I swear it would be cheaper to just make each guy wear a gallon of gas around his ding-dong,” Says Joey ‘2short’ Reed, a spokesman for adult industry giant, Vivid Video. “We can’t afford to move our whole operation to another county. We had to reinvent ourselves. Thanks, Obama.”

This “reinvention” involves the launching of a new line of “Non-Sexy, Kid-friendly Videos”, starting with “Christmas Friends” a Christmas film in the vein of Disney’s “Buddies” movies under their “Vivid Kids” imprint.

“Christmas Friends” is the story of the “Possum Pals”, a group of possums who help Mrs. Santa Claus (played by Snowy Mountains, in her first non-sexual role) save Christmas when Santa and his elves fall ill with hepatitis.

“We were able to save money by reusing the sets from, “Candy Cane Sluts #15”. Also, everybody who works on one of our movies has had all their shots; so working with a wild possum is no big deal.”

Where did Vivid find their adorable “Possum Pals”?

“We found them where we find most of our talent – at the bus station. These four little guys were beside a dumpster, fighting over a Del Taco bag with half a ‘Grande Scrambler’ in it. These kids have got the fire in their belly to be stars. We named them after their personalities, “Crosseye”, “Crosseye II”, “Hissy” and “Bitey”

Any plans for more “Possum Pal” adventures?

“We filmed ‘Christmas Friends’ 2,3, and 4 last weekend. We’re going to have recast before any additional sequels. ‘Crosseye II’ killed ‘Crosseye’, ‘Bitey’ bit someone, and ‘Hissy’ has defected to another company. “

 “Christmas Friends” will be available on ‘Vivid On Demand’ on January 5th.

Non Stop Gossip Non Stop Presents: Movie Trivials

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On Golden Pond (1981)

Van Halen singer David Lee Roth was originally cast as “Chip Thayer” the estranged son of Norman Thayer (Henry Fonda) and Ethel Thayer (Katherine Hepburn). Several of his scenes were filmed, but Roth was removed from the production after accidently striking Henry Fonda with a “judo kick” while ‘warming up’ before a scene.

He was also cautioned several times by producers for giving Thai Stick to fourteen-year-old co-star Doug McKeon.

Producers considered replacing Roth with punk rock singer, Lee Ving, before dropping the character “Chip” from the film completely.

Looking to start the holiday season right? Dr. Bill Cosby returns to his most memorable role, Cliff Huxtable for one night only.
(Thanks to Owen Straw)

Looking to start the holiday season right? Dr. Bill Cosby returns to his most memorable role, Cliff Huxtable for one night only.

(Thanks to Owen Straw)

New NSGNS Feature: Before They Were Famous!

Some Friday Fun. Click each pic to see your favorite stars before they hit the big time!

Even New Jersey’s “The Boss” started small!

This Barbadian Beauty developed nicely if you ask us (Please don’t kill us, Chris Brown)

It’s looks like Paul Giamatti was preferring milk to Merlot in this early pic.

Beloved Children’s Television Star Issues Grave Warning to “Wicked Workshopers”

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From Mitt Romney’s pledge to “fire” Big Bird, to Elmo puppeteer, Kevin Clash’s sudden resignation from the Children’s Television Workshop amid allegations of sexual misconduct, Sesame Street has been in the news a lot this year.

Now it’s the Muppets themselves speaking out in the form of a manifesto written by longtime Sesame Street denizen, Grover.

Grover’s twenty thousand-word screed blasts the management for letting “the sour seedling of wickedness creep into the workshop, causing it to become a haven of sodomy and gomorrahy”

Anonymous sources within Children’s Television Workshop have reported to NSGNS that Grover has recently become a Born-Again Christian and has been pressuring the workshop to create a more “Christ-centric” show.

Grover has even gone as far to issue a ultimatum to CTW, demanding workers take a “Castration Pledge”, where employees agree to chemically castrate themselves in order to “banish all carnality” from the show.

So far, no one has taken the pledge, and Grover has yet to return to the workshop for post-Thanksgiving holiday filming.

NSGNS reached out to Grover to ask about his “castration pledge” and received this email from Grover.



Dear Brother or Sister in Christ,

Thank you for your interest in “Grover’s Castration Pledge”.  Admittedly, it’s an extreme act, but when I look at the slow decline of Children’s Television Workshop into the slime of sin, I realized that extreme acts are needed. The tidal wave of unbridled carnality is threatening to wipe out the good work done at CTW.

CTW has become a haven of fornication and a playground for wicked homosexuality. As a Christian, I have a duty to point out sinful corruption where I see it—AND IT SEE IT AT CTW.

“Grover’s Castration Pledge” (see Galatians 5:12) is essential for me to continue to work on Sesame Street. I hope that you will join me on this journey.

Live through Christ,

Grover

Editor’s Note: Before this story went to press, NSGNS received a report that Grover has returned to “Sesame Street’ and calls his previous statements about Children’s Television Workshop a “misunderstanding” and called his work on the show a “blessing”

BREAKING: Copy of Mitt Romney’s Victory Speech Found in Trashcan

Non Stop Gossip Non Stop has received what is purported to be a copy of Republican presidential candidate, Mitt Romney’s unused victory speech. An unnamed source claims to have found it in a trashcan outside the Boston Convention & Exhibition Center in Boston, Massachusetts last night.

My fellow Americans,

I have just received a phone call from President Obama congratulating me in running a perfect presidential campaign and conceding that I am the President-Elect of the United States. {PAUSE FOR APPLAUSE, SCAN CROWD FOR A NEGRO, MAKE EYE CONTACT W/ NEGRO, SMILE AT NEGRO. BREAK EYE CONTACT W/NEGRO}


Thank you for this great honor.  I would like to thank all my supporters and especially my wife, Ann, who was the best choice I ever made. The second best choice I ever made-sorry kids, you’re not a choice, you’re a child— {PAUSE FOR LAUGHTER} — was picking Paul Ryan. Come on out, Paul and show these people what a Vice-President looks like. Isn’t he a handsome fella? How much did you bench today Paul? {WAIT FOR ANSWER, SMILE, APPLAUD, SCAN CROWD FOR WOMAN, MAKE EYE-CONTACT W/ WOMAN, BREAK EYE CONTACT W/ WOMAN. SMILE}

You know that I am a man who doesn’t like to rest on his laurels. This country was crying for real leadership and the choice has been made. I know that people have been chomping at the bit to see what my plans for this great country is and now is the time for me to reveal them.

The President Mitt Romney Five-Point Plan for Getting America Back on Track™ as follows

1. Poor people cost rich people money. That is a scientific fact. The less poor people we have, the more money for hard working Americans.
2. Killing people is bad. We are all Americans.
3. If there was way to reduce poor people without killing them, there would be more money for rich people and also room for a middle class
4. We will combine our poor people into an “American Prosperity Chain”. This involves sewing at least three poor people together via their poo-poo holes and  their mouths. This is going to uncomfortable for some people, but I know America can do this.
5. “American Prosperity Chains” will reduce America’s poor by at the very least 66%. That’s good business sense.

Let’s do this. Together we will succeed.  God bless you and may God Bless the United States of America {SMILE, WAVE}